"Good men must die, but death can not kill their names" - Proverbs

I remember when Ryan and I started dating, and he asked me one day if I wanted to meet his family. I thought "Sure, why not. It's going to happen eventually." He then proceeded to tell me that I was not only meeting his immediate family, but his extended family from Virginia and his grandparents as well. I'm normally a quiet person, so I had anxiety just thinking about it. All I kept thinking was, would they like me? What would happen if they didn't? First impressions mean everything, and I wanted to make a good one.

I don't remember too much about that encounter, except for what his grandmother, or "Gria" as the family calls her, said to Ryan. She commented on how nice I was, and how I had such "exotic eyes". I was thrilled that they liked me, but I never knew how involved in the family I would become, nor how close to them I would be.

For 6 years, we would spend every Sunday having dinner at Gria's house. It was something we looked forward to each week, knowing we were going to be able to spend time with family, while eating and talking about what everyone's lives had been up to. The women were usually in the kitchen helping Gria cook, while the men would watch football or baseball with Grandad. It was just a special time to bond with family. You could be in your own skin and feel comfortable about it. If you had a problem, they would help you work it out. If you wanted to share something happy, they would listen. If you wanted to cry, they would console you. Little by little, I got to know each family member over those 6 years, and created special relationships with each one of them. With Gria, she had the strength and courage I desired She was open and honest with you, not worrying about censoring herself because she might hurt your feelings. She knew what she wanted, and she got it out of life. She was great at giving advice and just listening to you. I just enjoyed being around her. She was warm and welcoming, and you would remember her long after the dinner was over. Not many people can say that they have two families that love them, and two families they just enjoy spending time with. But for me, it was true.

I'm not really good at putting my emotions into written or spoken words, but I wanted to do something for Gria that let her know how special she was to me. Even though we moved away and didn't attend regular Sunday dinners anymore, I always thought of her on Sundays. I wondered what everyone talked about, and what she made to eat that week. I wondered what the birthday people picked for dinner. (Another tradition that Gria had, was that when it was your birthday, she would make a special meal in your honor. I can't tell you how many times over those 6 years, that I really struggled with what we should eat. Everything sounded good at Gria's house. She was a fantastic cook!!) I just wondered about her a lot. She had that presence in your mind. I wish I could turn back time and tell her what an amazing woman she was and the impact she had on my life.

On January 23rd, 2010 we lost a little piece of our hearts. Hearing that phone ring was the worst feeling in the world, and my heart broke into two when I heard those words. I remember a lot of things by my senses. Certain smells bring back memories, certain tastes, certain noises. Ryan has a special ring-tone for each family member, and his mom's is "Mama" by Boyz II Men. Listening to that song on the morning after, to inform us of her passing, will always be on my mind. That song will forever be etched in my mind as Gria's song.

I sometimes wish we wouldn't have answered that call. I know no one lives forever, and that's the circle of life, but I wish we had more time. I wish we could have been at more Sunday dinners, and there have been times I wish we hadn't moved away. I wish, I wish, I wish. What I mean to say is live in the present instead of the past. Tell people how you feel, and take a moment whenever you can to tell people that you love them, and how much they mean to you. Don't take life for granted, it's too precious.

Visiting for Christmas, and any other time of the year is going to be difficult, knowing she's not around anymore, but she will always be there in spirit, and in memory. I didn't really know this was going to hit me this hard, but it has. That tells you how much she really meant to me. I only wish I could have told her myself. I love you Gria and am blessed to have had you in my life.

http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/buffalonews/obituary.aspx?n=joyce-d-shively-blankenship&pid=138946928